had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
