i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
