At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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