i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
