Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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