evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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