So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also, beer. Big fan.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
