I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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