I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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