My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
