Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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