My liver just broke up with me...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
