her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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