Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
