omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
