Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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