i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
