I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
