Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
