He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
