Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
