Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
3 2 1 whiskey
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
