i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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