I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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