am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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