trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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