1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
