I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
