Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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