Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
