Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
