Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He? As in you personified your dick?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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