I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
