i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
