he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
