There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
