I wanna passion pit in your ass
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
