im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
