I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
