this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
did you just send me my own nude
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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