took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
