so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
