He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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