Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
