come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
