They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
