did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
