i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
