Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
