is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
