I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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