quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
