Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
