I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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