you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
