If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
