I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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