if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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