I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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