update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
