you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am one with the molecules
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
