Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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