Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
