plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
