Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
