do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
