Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
