You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
