Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
