I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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