Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
