I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
