weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
