just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
