I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
