A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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